Turbo Golf Racing

Once again, I review games no-one else wants to

When I think about golf, I think about long sedate afternoons in the warm sun, careful tactics born out of long experience and familiarity with the course, and silly trousers. I don’t generally associate it with synth music, racing cars and explosions. I’m generally all up for subverting expectations, but I can’t say that Turbo Golf Racing, the latest game I offered to review for our ongoing monthly Humble Choice project, inspired much in me.

Rocket League, the world’s most popular arcade car-based sports game, works because soccer is a back-and-forth game of roaring crowds, adaptive tactics, two teams of players going at in hammer and tongs, and big heart-in-your-mouth moments. Golf doesn’t have the same tensions, and so no matter how smooth and slick the physics engine, a game based around hitting a ball towards a hole just lacks the tension and the euphoric heights of a game like Rocket League, even if you add some rockets and cool flip tricks. After an hour with this, learning the basics in the tutorial, trying some time trials and finally a half-dozen online games, I felt like I’d seen everything the game had to offer, from neon sand trap to novelty trick shot, and didn’t find anything worth keeping on playing for.

Another advantage that Rocket League has is an ideal price tag (free on Epic Games), compared to the $27 AUD you’d to shell out for this one if you didn’t get it in a bundle and decide to check it out just in case. It’s hard to compete with the big players, but if you’re going to try to make a game that’s so openly derivative, even if it looks great, you’re going to get comparisons, and they’re not going to be flattering.

Sadly, it seems that most players agree. Right now, there’s only 15 players online total, and the daily average is about 20, even after the bump from being included in this month’s Humble Choice. Thankfully the latest update added bots, so you can amaze a lobby of them with your car-racing skills instead of waiting endlessly for a match if you really want to, but unless any of the car customization unlocks include silly trousers, you’re gonna have to count me out.

We’re used to the last few items in a Monthly Bundle being niche titles with limited appeal, and this month is no exception. This is one early-access arcade car golfing title you can definitely afford to skip.